Longing for Heaven

  In the coming post I will tell you about the bondage of fear that so often took hold of me as a child. My hopes by sharing this part of my life is to help others find freedom from such things. I believe though I can only tell you these things, God is the one able to free us.  I had moments where I felt I would one day go to my home in heaven but for the most part it just seemed too good to be true! Did I ever long for it though! God's arms were around me.  I couldn't fully understand His words but he kept speaking gently .. He never gave up on me!

I got to know some beautiful songs while singing weekly with a group of ladies last year. Many of the songs I took very personally as we sang.

GOING HOME

Many times in my childhood we'd travel so far
By nightfall how weary I'd grow.
Father's arms would slip 'round me and gently he'd say,
"My child, we're going home."

Going home, I'm going home.
There is nothing to hold me here.
I got a glimpse of that heavenly land;
Praise God, I am going home.

Now the twilight is fading, the day soon shall end,
I get homesick the farther I roam.
But the Father has blessed me each step of the way,
And now I am going home.

Going home, I'm going home.
There is nothing to hold me here.
I caught a glimpse of that heavenly land,
Praise God, we are going home.

Praise God, we are going home.

my little girl

Talks with God

I told you a bit about my childhood  last time. Today I will tell  you about  one particular day when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old that is very significant to me now... I only realized a few years ago what role this day had played in my life and would have in my testimony for years to come! Let me go back and tell you a bit about this little friend I had next door. It all started with our moms. They were best friends and were always there for each other! Both ladies were expecting their first baby around the same time. Baby #1 (my little friend) arrives December 25th, 1977 and baby # 2 (me) arrives January 4th, 1978. We were born very close to the same time, both given the same first name and became best friends.

A mennonite home in Mexico

It was another day of playing outside, climbing farm equipment, playing in puddles and running around like children do. Often we would be very silly, laughing and just having fun. At times we would also argue and fight. Well, on this particular day we were doing all of those things, when my little friend suddenly told me I was now going to go to hell because I had said a bad word. She began describing hell in a very scary way. It was that moment that I began to "fear" God. By fear I mean I was afraid of what He would do to me yet. I began asking others many questions and the answers I got only confirmed that these things were true; not only were they true but it was also hopeless to get into heaven . However , I  thought there just has to be something I can do to fix it! So, began my talks with God.. I would tell him each morning , I will try to be good. I had only been taught memorized prayers in a language I did not understand. (There is more than one form of the german language. At home we spoke Low German and our reading and prayer was done in High German.)So talking to God the way I did was not taught, it began to seem very natural though!  He was drawing me to Himself but yet I did not know He gave a way for me to join Him in heaven one day.  I did however believe God heard everything I was saying to Him. Through these talks I began to find comfort  in Him and some hope deep within my heart. It helped me get  through many days ahead but would a way come for me to find my way to heaven?

As a child I was willing to trust Him but had been told by many we cannot know where we will go after death until we meet God at the judgement seat. A child is willing to believe what they are told.

 Luke 18:17  says, “I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” or Matthew 18:4, “Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Memory Lane

  I will attempt to tell you a few things about what  life was like when I was a child. I was born in Mexico. Some of you are now thinking ... What! Mexico! Yes, there are groups of German Mennonites in Mexico. Perhaps some time in the future I will tell you how that happened to come about. For now though I will write about  what  life was like as I knew it in my early years.

 I remember things that happened from a very young age. Some not so good memories and some very special memories. I will focus today on the good memories. As I already told you we did use horse and buggy as our transportation. Cars were not allowed at this time yet. We lived on a farm, same as everyone else I knew. Life had daily routines of feeding the animals, milking cows and cleaning the barns. Our milk was always poured into big jugs and brought to the road daily. The milk man would pick up every one's milk and bring it to the cheese factory. This was our source of income.

milk jug

 I spent much time outside  when at home, often doing things like playing on haystacks, (with my brother and often the neighbours' kids) helping in the garden, feeding the chickens, gathering eggs and  doing laundry, (yes, outside) Laundry was not an easy chore and required almost a full day.
 We did not have hydro.  In our house you would see oil lamps and a wood stove for heating when needed. Speaking of our house... It was made of mud bricks with a total of three rooms. One of the rooms was built for food storage and that left us with a kitchen and a living room in which we also slept. It was a small place and often it would rain through the ceiling but my mom always kept things very organized and clean! When playing indoors, I enjoyed my dolls! I think I must have had more than the average Mennonite girl! I would treat my dolls as a mom would treat her own baby. I remember asking my mom to babysit while I was away from them.  The thought of my own REAL baby some day was quite exciting!
 This all sounds so innocent and pure. That is how children are but they are born into a world that wants to steal and destroy that from young on! God protected me from a lot through those years. Things did happen around us that made me a target in the line of fire and many things could have happened to me that didn't.  I look back sometimes and remember things that make me shiver but I think on these simple memories I have of just being a child and I know that God was there watching over me!
 One more very special memory I have (going back a bit)is a moving day. For a while we lived in this big house before moving to the one I already spoke of. I can't remember the place we moved away from at that time but I remember the place we moved to! I sat in the back of our buggy, hanging my feet off , with my aunt who was seven years older than I. Slowly we moved along with our furniture on a few buggies like a train. As I sat there in great excitement, swinging my feet back and forth, a herd of cows was what followed down that road. I told my mom about this a while back and she was very surprised I  could recall that. She says I was about 3 years old.
I will be back  with some pictures I have from when I was a little girl and also I will tell you of the day I started "fearing" God.

Psalm 139:13-16 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Thank you Lord for your protection over me all these years and when all else failed, you never did!

"Horse and Buggy Days"

 I am working on putting together  some pictures and stories from my childhood. Just be patient with me , I do no have much time at once to work on this.
 To some of you,  the things I will share will be familiar but to others it may seem strange and it might remind you of pioneer days. You see, I grew up in a mennonite home. First of all don't jump to conclusions yet, for there are many different types of mennonites and my life wasn't all "mennonite."  Yes we did drive horse and buggy at one point while I was a little girl but no we were not Amish. I want to tell you about these things because it's a big part of  where I  come from. I will leave it at that for now but come by again to walk  along this journey with me!

He Quenches my Thirst

 I will start this blog by sharing a song with you that I feel was written just for me, though it was written for many. I too, was a woman at the well seeking for things that did not satisfy. Many times the things that I thought would satisfy my thirst only left me more thirsty. Many times my choices brought forth fruit I did not want to eat.  When I listen to this song now , I am so thankful Jesus met me at the well! At times my cup is full, at times it runs over  but at times it gets dry.   It is then that I really see my need to go back to the well where I first met my Saviour and ask HIM once more, "fill my cup, Lord..."  That is where I am at right now. "Here am I Lord, fill me, quench my thirst and use me for your glory and honor.  I will share with you over the next while what God did and is doing in my life. I have many memories from childhood on where God was calling me to himself. Often I did not recognize His voice, but now when I  look back, I marvel at His marvelous grace!  

Listen to Song

Like the woman at the well I was seeking
For things that could not satisfy;
And then I heard my Savior speaking:
"Draw from my well that never shall run dry".

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul;
Bread of heaven, Feed me till I want no more--
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

There are millions in this world who are craving
The pleasures earthly things afford;
But none can match the wondrous treasure
That I find in Jesus Christ my Lord.

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul;
Bread of heaven, Feed me till I want no more--
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

So, my brother, if the things this world gave you
Leave hungers that won't pass away,
My blessed Lord will come and save you,
If you kneel to Him and humbly pray:

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul;
Bread of heaven, Feed me till I want no more--
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!